The Grace of an Ordinary Life Together

---

…watching a family and their very curious Labradoodle exploring the old “pokey” across from us…listening to the woodpeckers and scrub jays in the trees above us. There was no carefully planned setting, no coordinated clothing, and certainly no attempt to create a picture-perfect memory. Just the two of us, some food on the table, and enough shade to make us want to stay awhile. I put my phone out to just get a quick pic and somehow, this photo tells the story of our marriage better than a formal portrait ever could.

We’ve been married for more than thirty-five years. That sounds kind of impressive when you say it quickly – something only old people can say. (who, us?) It sounds accomplished and perhaps even a little romantic. It has been romantic. It has also been hard. We experienced losses that changed us and victories we couldn’t wait to celebrate. We’ve raised a family, worked, worried, prayed, disagreed, forgiven, started over, and learned that “for better or worse” includes quite a bit of both.

There were seasons when we made it through by the grace of God. And there were seasons when we made it through barely by the grace of God. LOL. There have been times when being intentional came easily. We wanted to go out, talk for hours, take a drive, plan a trip, or try something new. There were other times when intentionality felt less natural, more awkward, even forced, maybe even a little fake…but we did it anyway.

We went to lunch. We took the drive. We sat across from each other and tried to talk. We made plans when we didn’t particularly feel like making plans. We kept showing up, trusting that feelings often follow faithfulness rather than lead it.

Sometimes faithfulness looks deeply spiritual. It looks like prayer, worship, Scripture, repentance, and forgiveness. Sometimes it looks like getting in the car and going somewhere together. It looks like ordering lunch, putting the phones away (except for a quick pic, of course), and staying at the table a little longer.

It looks like remembering that we are more than the bills we need to pay, the problems we need to solve, and the responsibilities waiting for us at home. We are two people who once chose one another and who keep learning how to choose one another again.

I wish I could say that we trusted the Lord perfectly through every season. We didn’t. Sometimes we trusted Him with confidence. Other times our trust was mixed with fear, frustration, questions, and a strong preference for God to handle things according to our suggested timeline.

He was faithful anyway. When our faith felt strong, He was faithful and when our faith felt fragile, He was faithful. When we could see what He was doing, and when we couldn’t make sense of it at all, He remained steady.

Looking back, I can see that God was doing far more than helping us survive difficult circumstances. He was shaping us within them. He was teaching us how to forgive, how to loosen our grip, how to listen, how to laugh again, and how to receive ordinary moments as gifts. He didn’t make every season easy, but I know that He met us in every season. That is part of the hope we have now. It is also the hope we want others to have.

Your marriage does not need to look perfect to be worth tending and your family does not need to be free of struggle before you can enjoy one another. You do not need the ideal vacation, the beautifully planned date, the charming restaurant, or the perfect emotional atmosphere. You do not even need to feel completely connected before you take a small step toward connection.

Just go. Do something. Be together. Go. Do. Be. This has been my trio lately and it’s been the way I think of what I’m doing as I launched Dwelling Richly. It is what I have tried to do in our marriage too. Take the walk – even if I don’t feel like it. Share the sandwich. Sit under the trees. Drive somewhere pretty or somewhere ordinary. Let the moment be what it is.

We can…I can, become so concerned with making life meaningful that we…I miss the meaning already present in it. We try to arrange the perfect experience, say the perfect thing, capture the perfect photograph, and somehow ensure that everyone feels exactly what they are supposed to feel. That is an exhausting amount of pressure to put on a picnic. And I’ve tried that too. It is exhausting and ends up so unrelatable – even to my own imagination. The Instagram curated life isn’t for me. It’s not the real life marriage stuff that I’ve actually lived. I’m just going, doing, being…keeping it simple and keeping my eyes on Him in the process.

It’s not living a slogan like some Nike commercial, (turns out that ends up feeling empty too.) That’s why the focus of my intention is on Him, “At present, we do not yet see everything in subjection to Him, but we see Him…” I practice faithfulness in small ways and leave room for Him to do what only He can do.

When I look at this photo, it didn’t capture a moment in a flawless marriage. It captured the silliness and love, the friendship and history behind all of it. A carefree kiss blown across the table as I was turning to smile. Two people who have lived a great deal of life together (41 years of dating+marriage!) and two people who are being honest and just trying to keep our eyes on Him as we go and do and be in this life together.

---

Subscribe to the Blog 💌 Learn about Dwelling Richly

…from my very imperfect Instagram life…